Driving with Anna

My life is never going to be how I had seen it.  I don’t think I see all the obstacles or issues with my way of thinking.  I don’t see the blessings when it is done a different way.

Twenty-six years ago I was convinced that my baby would be a girl and we would have a wonderful relationship even from birth.  We would have this bond and my blessed little baby would sleep peacefully or coo quietly in the basket while I worked.  Ah, the ignorance of youth and inexperience!

Twenty-six years ago I had a wonderful inquisitive compassionate little boy.  We named him after his dad and his dad’s family.  We rejoiced because he was our gift from God.  And for twenty-six years I have been blessed with a thinker, one who questions everything and a loving caring son.

Our relationship was balanced between how I saw things and how he saw things.  I learned early on that my way of thinking might need a tweak or two.  He didn’t stay in the crib quietly playing because he wanted to see everything.  He wanted to explore everything. 

And he wanted that more than he wanted his next meal.  Literally.  In order to feed him I had to be in a quiet room with no distractions.  Once he was weaned from breast-feeding he had to be coaxed into eating.  Everyone had to sit down with him and let him eat his food and think his thoughts.

He taught me compassion for others when I saw them through his eyes.  He taught me the pain of responsibility when things go wrong beyond my control.  And he taught me to quietly go about what I needed to do without complaining.  I’m still working on that one!

He taught me that family is most important.  He taught me to search out my family members and to listen to them because they were important to me.  He taught me how to approach my problems from a different direction and to find a new creative solution. 

He also taught me how to let go of control.  He taught me not to nag because it just upset me, not him.  He taught me to be grateful for the little things, even protons – yes, protons.  He taught me to view the stars and see the moon, as it really is, not how I perceived it.  He taught me that the universe is at once both smaller and larger than I ever thought it would be.

This is my son.  He is my first-born.  I have ever been grateful to God that I was given the privilege to know him.  Happy Birthday. Tom.  I love you.