Driving with Anna

Precious. Few. Help Me Love.

2012-01-03T12:58:00.000-08:00

It is a short time now. Just a few more days. A matter of minutes or hours. How precious are these short times we have with those we love. How short a time we have with them. Our visits are so few. Our conversations minimal and trite. I want to spend more time with these people that I love. How could I have missed what a big part they play in my life? How could I not appreciate their

The Year of Change

2011-12-21T10:32:00.000-08:00

This year is to be a year of change. On the outside things look fairly settled. My husband and I work and strive to provide a home for our family while paying off bills and saving for retirement. My son is working part time while he pursues a career in writing. My son-in-law is settled in his disability and plans for the future as he sees how this new medication will effect his MS. My

Mowing the Lawn

2011-10-23T08:59:00.000-07:00

My life is very much like mowing my lawn. It isn't a very perfect lawn. There are some tiny ditches and holes here and there. The grass is uneven. Some of the grass grows fast and some areas of the lawn look kind of brown. There are different types of grass and even some weeks. I like to mow in a pattern but sometimes I can't see where I have been. I also am not sure where I should be

Work in Me

2011-09-11T11:13:00.000-07:00

Jeremiah 18:3-10 So I went to the potter's house, and sure enough, the potter was there, working away at his wheel. Whenever the pot the potter was working on turned out badly, as sometimes happens when you are working with clay, the potter would simply start over and use the same clay to make another pot. Then God's Message came to me: "Can't I do just as this potter does, people of

Help Me Hold the High Ground

2011-08-26T16:36:00.000-07:00

I was once a slave. I was held hostage. Some days I still feel like a hostage. But you, Lord, you paid a ransom for me. Jesus died for my sins. He died and rose again to rescue me. Protect me, Lord, from my bad habits. Guard my heart and my mind from temptation. Don't let my thoughts run away with me. I am yours. I belongs to you. I listen to who you say I am. You are my comfort.

Have I been spoiled?

2011-05-13T15:47:00.000-07:00

I grew up knowing there were people praying for me. My grandparents prayed for me. My parents prayed for me. When I was married then I felt the prayers of my in-laws. I had stepped into even more prayer covering. As the years went by we lost all of our grandparents and began to pray in earnest for our children. We began to understand the burden of intercessory prayer and the importance of

I'm only

2011-04-22T08:05:00.001-07:00

Jeremiah 1:6-8 But I said, "Hold it, Master God! Look at me. I don't know anything. I'm only a boy!" God told me, "Don't say, 'I'm only a boy.' I'll tell you where to go and you'll go there. I'll tell you what to say and you'll say it. Don't be afraid of a soul. I'll be right there, looking after you." God's Decree. I tend to be shy about stepping out of my comfort zone. I hesitate to do

Poor in Spirit

2011-04-17T10:18:00.000-07:00

There are so many occasions when I feel inadequate to fulfill my duties. And so many times when my best doesn't seem like it is enough. But there is hope for me. God has made it clear. Even Paul, the Apostle, had moments when he knew that he could not do it on his own. And who was Paul? He was the best Pharisee. He was an acknowledged leader in his community. He build many churches. He

Your Hope

2011-02-28T12:09:00.000-08:00

Thank you God for your son. Thank you for the hope that he has brought to everyone on earth. Thank you for the hope that you have provided to each one of us. Your grace and your mercy provide me with the way to hope. Without your hope I will wither away and die. What is this new and life-giving hope that I feel? It brings joy into my

An Epiphany

2011-02-18T10:34:00.000-08:00

Last week while my daughter was sick and I was trying to be well I had an epiphany. My daughter was bemoaning how she always manages to be sick when she is about to perform. She always does her best when she completely depends on God to help her perform. God always comes through and she is forced to know that she is who she is through God’

The best thing I didn't get

2011-02-01T07:49:00.000-08:00

My life is never going to be how I had seen it. I don’t think I see all the obstacles or issues with my way of thinking. I don’t see the blessings when it is done a different way. Twenty-six years ago I was convinced that my baby would be a girl and we would have a wonderful relationship even from birth. We would have this bond and my

No Dead Ends

2010-12-06T15:14:00.000-08:00

I am thankful that I have been able to get a new part time job. This will replace my unemployment that was so unsure. Now I am praying that this job will work into a long-term position so that I will have stable income. For the last several weeks I have been concerned about our financial status and whether or not I was heading to a dead end

Purple Mountains

2010-11-29T16:18:00.000-08:00

Driving into church last weekend I noticed that the mountains were turning pink. When they got some darker the color turned purple. The color wasn’t too dark yet. It was more of a lavender color. That color suggests something special to me. My grandmother loved the color lavender. She painted her living room lavender and had drapes to match. She was loving but firm, graceful but extended

Rest for your souls

2010-11-23T11:11:00.000-08:00

I looked around me and did not know which way to turn. I was lost yet again. My feet ached from the long, long journey and I did not think I could go on. This was getting ridiculous. How could I have thought it possible I could do this on my own? I feel frustrated and angry with myself. I was in this position again and I just didn’t know where to go next. I am sitting at the edge of the

Adventurously Expectant Life

2010-11-12T08:15:00.000-08:00

I have received resurrection life. This inspiring energy comes from a God who is greater than my troubles, my worries and my sorrows. It is not a depressing, fearful life looking at all the dead or diseased and dying things in my life. No! God fills me with life. He fills me with life-giving hope that brightens my soul! He fills me with life-filling joy that spills over into my face and my

A Cry to the Lord

2010-11-11T21:00:00.000-08:00

Last weekend I listened to a beautiful rendition of Third Day’s song “Cry Out to Jesus.” The song really struck me. I thought about my mom and my dad and how they are getting older. It seems like there is not enough time to earn the money so that I can see them more often. They have become precious to me and for the first time in my life I understand how much I love my mom and my dad.

Aggressive Forgiveness

2010-10-26T15:33:00.000-07:00

God loves us. This is something I was taught from a very young age. But how much does God love us? Aggressively! When I bump into someone, it is, “I’m sorry.” This is a polite acceptable apology usually returned with “It’s okay.” The forgiveness involved here is indifferent. It does not take much time or emotional effort on my part. It happens. Sometimes I give grudging forgiveness when

This is my daddy's day

2010-10-21T20:27:00.000-07:00

This is my daddy’s day. It is a precious day to me because it is my daddy’s birthday. My daddy is precious to me. I have become more aware of the preciousness of each individual soul around me. God has created each of us unique. Even though we have family traits and family leanings – each one of us is uniquely made. We each respond to God in our own way. The myriad of ways that we each

Passionately Patient

2010-10-20T14:09:00.001-07:00

Yesterday I drove up the 55 and then down the 5 in the rain. It really wasn’t all that bad on the 55. I could concentrate and see everything fairly clearly. My windshield wipers were a little surprised at the long workout but they performed fairly well. When I turned onto the 5 though, it was like a mist grew from the pavement and filled

Another year passes by

2010-10-12T14:37:00.000-07:00

I spent Sunday celebrating my birthday. I had a blast. I had family present and I had messages from extended family and friends. I laughed and I cherished each moment. And I was restless. My birthday has traditionally been a special day for me. I have shared birthday cakes with my grandpa, my dad, my niece and nephew, my cousin who was

October Memories and Promises

2010-10-01T13:56:00.000-07:00

October is a month of memories for me. It is the month of my birthday. It is the month when several of my family has birthdays. I have shared birthdays with my grandpa, my father, a cousin, and a friend in college, nieces and nephews, clients, and even strangers in some random line. October is a time of change. Here in southern California, the weather finally begins to cool after the heat

God’s feminine side

2010-09-24T15:54:00.000-07:00

We are created in the image of God. God has a feminine side. God is the mother who cares and nurtures her children. God is the woman who fights for those she loves. Do not threaten her children. God is full of compassion, kindness, gentleness, joy, and peace. God wants us to delight in him. He wants us to see him. He wants us to see how much he loves us. He wants us to see how he cares for us

Who am I?

2010-09-21T19:16:00.000-07:00

Not because of who I am but because of who you are, out of your very heart, and you have let me in on this. Moses said, “Who am I?” Who was he that he was the one chosen of all the Hebrew people to lead the children out of Israel? He stuttered and he was afraid. He ran and he had accidentally committed murder. Not necessarily a good resume for a great statesman or a leader. But God had chosen

Goodness and love will pursue me

2010-09-21T18:39:00.000-07:00

Many people memorize Psalm 23 as children. This Psalm is used in movies and books, television shows and funerals. It is supposed to give comfort and peace to those moving through hard times. It is given as a pat answer to how to deal with grief. When I look at all the different ways it is translated it brings to mind more than just comfort in time of need. It shows me a way of life that

What’s the big deal about journaling?

2010-09-07T12:49:00.000-07:00

Journals are an important part of our history that is being lost. People don't keep piles of emails, they don't normally print them out, there are no offline journals being written with the intent to keep a record of our lives. Now we have blogs but they are edited for content. An offline journal is more personal and we are more able to stay honest with ourselves. In speaking with my daughter

Shelter from Evil

2010-08-27T13:09:00.001-07:00

It was a day similar to many that had gone by. I woke up with a prayer on my lips. God, be with my husband today. Guide his words and protect him from those who intend to cause his reputation harm. I turned back to the scripture I had been given the night before. God will provide protection. He will show my husband the words to say. He will do as he has said. He will be there and will be

You are the Only Exception

2010-08-02T05:31:00.000-07:00

Often times I start humming to myself. What I’ve been humming recently is a Paramore song, “You are the Only Exception”. I wondered why I was humming it so often. I don’t really even listen to Paramore. My daughter pointed it out that she wakes up to it, a temporary house guest uses it to wake up, and they’ve been singing it and playing it a lot over the last week. No wonder I keep hearing

With Kindness and Patience

2010-07-26T11:42:00.000-07:00

In the world of constant turmoil, strife and change, how should I live? All around me I see signs of stress. I see people filled with anger who strike out at others and need very little provocation. I feel concern for these people because they feel they have no outlet for their anger. They feel hopeless and they are afraid of tomorrow. I see people who meet smiles with frowns. I see them

Between a Rock and a Hard Place

2010-07-12T07:50:00.001-07:00

God chose me. God is pleased with me. God has bathed me with his Spirit, God’s life. With God’s life, I will set everything right. I won’t call attention to what I do with loud speeches or gaudy parades. I won’t brush aside the bruised and the hurt. I won’t disregard the small and insignificant. I will steadily and firmly set things right. I won’t tire out and quit. Jesus won’t be

My Brothers

2010-07-01T16:11:00.001-07:00

Recent tweets have reminded me that I have three brothers with very different personalities. And we all four play off of each other with humor. I have showed a few people the more original sounding tweets and they just look at me. They say, “Yes, those are your brothers. It must run in the family.” Of course my youngest brother isn’t on Twitter. He is holding out. I think he is busy enough

The Reality of Choices

2010-06-30T11:10:00.001-07:00

Recently I came across the idea that our reality is an illusion that my brain creates from my five senses and the sixth sense or intuition that is from my heart. It sounded like a very odd idea, until I looked at the choices I have. I know that I have an old nature that is evil and corrupt. My old nature tries to rationalize my behavior so I can continue to sin. It skews my reality. It tries

Not in Control

2010-06-22T12:30:00.001-07:00

My life has been out of control recently. At least, it has been more out of control than usual. Occasionally I suffer from dizziness. Sometimes that dizziness is actually more vertigo with the accompanying nausea. Usually this vertigo is caused by congestion in my ears from colds, viruses, or allergies. I have medication to take for the dizziness but sometimes it is only decongestion that

Between the Lines

2010-06-17T19:56:00.000-07:00

The time I have is only mine Because you give it to me, Lord As I make a list of things to do, Please place Your hand on mine. Between the lines, Write those things You would have me do. The things I don’t even know about yet That will make today worth living. by Nancy Parker Brummett I found this piece on the wall in a music administration office on the campus of Vanguard University. I

Line by Line

2010-06-15T13:05:00.000-07:00

Sometimes my life seems a bit overwhelming. I know it really isn’t, but I feel alone in my struggles. I have wonderful friends and wonderful family. Most of all I have a Savior who cares for me. He loves me. He loves me more than I could ever know. He is willing to be there for me no matter what mistakes I make. He stays when I try to ignore him. He listens when I yell at him. He holds

Warm Hearts and Ripe Strawberries

2010-06-09T11:26:00.001-07:00

Years ago I once thought about the mystical. I wondered about witches and demons. I wondered about the dark side. I re-read “The Chronicles of Narnia” and I wondered. Then, at a grocery store, I heard a voice in my mind. It said, “It’s not hard to be a witch. No one needs to know. Witches look like regular people.” The voice paused a bit. “You could be a witch and you could have power.”

Communication

2010-06-02T10:23:00.001-07:00

My daughter just returned from China. It was an excruciating 3 weeks. Why? We had no communication. I am beginning to understand what it was like a generation ago when I left home. I had no cell phone. I hadn’t known what other numbers my parent’s could use to reach me. I hadn’t known a mailing address for them to write to me. And there was no Internet. Seriously, it was the dark ages.

Voices

2010-04-26T14:12:00.000-07:00

During worship this past weekend we sang the hymn “It is well with my soul”. Suddenly I was overwhelmed and could not sing. The individual voices around me became clearer. I heard my youngest daughter on one side and my husband on my other side. I enjoyed their voices and listened as they sang the words to this hymn. The story of a man who had seen so much loss, but still managed to sing

Permission to feel

2010-04-22T11:44:00.000-07:00

“she told of the dreams and hopes” Last year my mom told the story of how my great grandmother handled grief. She had lost children in various ways and once a year she brought out her box that held the memories of her lost dreams and hopes for those children. In the last year I have accepted that I have some lost dreams in my life. I have heard others that I know speak of their lost dreams.

His Right Hand

2010-03-23T11:31:00.001-07:00

God has his hand on me. How do I know? I know because he tells me so. He places his right hand on me to guide me, to protect me and to show me his love. God, help me to see you in everything. Help me to know you fully and deeply. Help me to trust you to see me through this day. You are my God. I love you. “God has perfect knowledge of us, and all our thoughts and actions are open before

I guess I’m Weird

2010-03-23T10:44:00.001-07:00

I was thinking this morning about encouragement. It sounds like it would be really cool to have a gift of encouragement. But sometimes it is just tiring. When people find out I live in Orange County, Southern California, they usually ask me how far it is to Disneyland. Everyone has heard of Disneyland. People like to go to Disneyland. I really don't like Disneyland. Most people wonder why

Through God's Love

2010-03-23T09:39:00.001-07:00

I was reading in a book, Crazy Love, where it suggested I replace Love with my name in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. It also suggested I would feel like an imposter doing so. But what if it wasn’t me but God working through me doing all the loving. Then I would be totally dependent on him, his power and his strength to give love to those around me. That would be possible and something that could

Before I Meet Him

2010-03-05T09:33:00.001-08:00

My daughter brought home a t-shirt last night. “I’m wearing this to classes tomorrow!”For many years I have been praying for the future spouses of our three children. It started for me when I heard our pastor speak about praying for the future wives of their four sons. After my middle daughter started dating, I began to pray also for the families of the future spouses. The prayer starts out

Born of God

2010-03-05T08:55:00.000-08:00

This morning I was reminded of how much God loves me. My small group is reading “Crazy Love” (www.crazylovebook.com) and this week’s chapter is on “Jesus Loves Me”. While meditating on Jeremiah 1 from the book, I remembered the verse given when my son was born. John 1:13 “They did not become his children in any human way—by any human parents or human desire. They were born of God.”This verse

Talking At or With?

2010-03-01T13:02:00.000-08:00

Parenting is hard. It involves being an adult and looking at things differently. It requires me to think first about the other person and what they are feeling. It brings up my own issues of abandonment, authority, respect, love and trust. It is about recognizing that I am tired, or upset about something else or hungry or feeling overwhelmed. Then I take a breath, reach out to God for

My Desperate Heart

2010-02-21T09:49:00.000-08:00

Sometimes the hardest thing to do is step forward. It strains my self-control to act as if everything is okay. It pulls at my tendency to withdraw when I seek out the presence of others. And when I get there, God meets me. He pulls me in and holds me. He shows me that I am precious to him. I found this to be true during the Saturday night service at church. The love in the church compels

Depressed? Think God.

2010-02-16T13:18:00.000-08:00

I've been thinking about depression and how to battle it. I have some difficulty with depression. So I have done some research and some thinking. I have also done some praying. I found one article that was interesting.Tim Chester, out of the UK, has an article on depression. http://timchester.wordpress.com/2008/11/25/is-depression-a-sin/He makes several good points. He talks about depression

Brighter and More Beautiful

2010-02-05T14:18:00.000-08:00

2 Corinthians 3:18 Nothing between us and God, our faces shining with the brightness of his face. And so we are transfigured much like the Messiah, our lives gradually becoming brighter and more beautiful as God enters our lives and we become like him.Every year I try to come out with a verse for the year. I was thinking on it and thinking on it and did not get anything. I just felt compelled

Love is Home, Home is Love

2009-12-14T15:17:00.000-08:00

A long time ago there was nothing. There was only Love searching for a home. It swirled around and around before it created a beautiful world. “Now I have a home,” said Love. “It is a pretty place with many colors. There are green trees and green grass. There is the blue sky and white clouds. There is a rainbow with all the colors. There are mountains that turn blue or purple when the

Uncertain But At Peace

2009-12-07T11:12:00.000-08:00

The rain is falling. Finally. After waiting all year for a chance at the sound of falling rain it is here. I opened the door in order to listen to it better. The air is clean and clear. Everything is getting wet.I pause to pray for all those southern California drivers who don’t normally have to deal with slick roads. Roads that are extra slick with the months of dirt and oil that have

The Oldest

2009-11-25T14:09:00.000-08:00

Once, a long time ago, on a special Thanksgiving Day, a boy was born. He was filled with compassion and love. His first feeling was one of loss. His twin had died and no longer near him. He missed his brother. His mother was sleepy and his father was sad. He felt sad for them and sad for himself. But he would be okay. He was the oldest.Not long after he was born, his mother was gone.

Love, Hope and Peace

2009-11-21T13:18:00.000-08:00

The holidays are upon me. Again I am nearing Thanksgiving, a holiday known for family time and thankfulness. Then the season for gift shopping and parties spreads out before me culminating in a solid week of “holiday” busyness. Sometimes it seems too much.This year has been a year of changes. This has been a year when the world around me reels with blow after blow of economic crises. I have

How do I continue?

2009-11-16T09:10:00.000-08:00

I have lately been drawn to Psalm 119. I was under the impression that it was recited in its entirety during Yom Kippur. After a lot of internet searching, I discovered that it is recited at funerals and on the anniversary of a loved one’s death. I had some difficulty with that concept for a while. Then I realized that this Psalm is full of thoughts, ideas and promises for those who have

My Daddy

2009-11-02T08:04:00.000-08:00

My daddy celebrated his 84th birthday recently. I got to share a part of his day with him. I got to see how he shared it with each one of his kids and some grandkids. I learned a few things.My daddy loves each of his children equally. He deals with us individually. My daddy was happy to see me even though he and mom had to drive all the way to Tulsa. My daddy loves me and he loves his family

Loving Up Close from Far Away

2009-10-21T16:58:00.001-07:00

My youngest said this title was very confusing and I can see where she is coming from. I find it confusing too. But I have been receiving some very up close loving from far away. In just a couple of days I will be having some up close loving very up close. I am going home to visit my mom and dad.Included in this quick trip home will be a little bit of one brother – his daughter is coming to

What's Next Papa?

2009-10-12T11:18:00.000-07:00

(For Grandpa. Your joy as you looked forward to the end remains in my heart even today. HBS - died 1979 - I still miss celebrating my birthday with you.)So many times over the years I’ve wondered, what’s next. When I was very small I would wonder what could happen next. When would we get to grandma and grandpa's house? Are we there yet? This question punctuated every trip we took. Even today

He Knows Me

2009-10-10T22:54:00.000-07:00

Today was a good birthday. I reached a ripe old age of 53. I spent time with my children and my husband. I heard from my extended family. I shared news. I relaxed. I enjoyed life.And I remember that God knows me. He knows my name. He knows my faults. He knows my sins. He knows my weaknesses. And he loves me still. He hears me sing. He hears my whine. He hears me laugh. He hears me

His Love

2009-09-29T13:52:00.001-07:00

His love is like the soft autumn wind blowing cool air in the desert wilderness. His love brings new life to old wounds, to flowers blooming and to long lost memories. His love touches me like nothing ever imagined by man. His love is necessary to my life.His love is as strong as the bond between mother and child. His love is as mighty as the thunder that deafens my ears. His love is brighter

Is It White?

2009-09-26T12:03:00.001-07:00

I recently finished painting my bathroom. I painted the ceiling, trim and the door a very light blue to go with the darker blue walls. The ceiling and the door look very white compared to the walls and the wood cabinet. I don’t really think about it very often. If I had to make a snap judgment I would say that the ceiling and door are white.But I am reminded that it is really a light blue

Individual Relationships

2009-09-25T13:02:00.000-07:00

I am looking for new employment. I have my resume online in several places. I have checked the boxes to say that I will take contract, temporary and part time work. Recently I got 5 emails from different recruiters. All on the same day. All for the same job. I also got phone calls from 2 more recruiters about the same job, on the same day.This job was a lucrative one for the recruiters. It

Throw the Ball Back

2009-09-14T16:02:00.001-07:00

Living in sunny southern California has its benefits. I can enjoy mild weather, usually not in September, but the rest of the year. I can enjoy mountain views and the beach. I can see snow on the tops of the mountains through the leaves of palm trees in late winter. I can enjoy the cool sea breeze in the evenings of the summer. I have shopping malls, live theater, movie theaters and ethnic

Where’s the Lizard?

2009-09-04T09:51:00.000-07:00

Sometimes my world takes a different turn than I would have expected. Life is definitely unscripted and does not always go according to plan, my plans anyway. Yesterday I walked into the living room with my head filled with learning. I spent some time studying Cold Fusion and then worked with Joomla. Since the Joomla site is still developing – how is it to be laid out? What is the

My Calling – Letting Go

2009-08-26T08:26:00.000-07:00

Recently I began reading an old devotional book that reminds me to let go. I love to take control of things in my life and I love to feel like I am in control of my life. I have to be reminded that I am not in control. I have to be reminded that there are things that I can change and things that I cannot change.My job situation is not something I can change all by myself. My children and my

What Lies Behind?

2009-08-14T11:47:00.000-07:00

I am in the process of healing. I was recently let go. My job was not a good fit for me. The culture of the job did not work for me. I tried the best I could but I still ended up failing at this job.I hadn’t realized that it had affected me in several areas of my life. My personality and the way I deal with people were changing. My health was disintegrating. I felt anger but had nowhere to

Which Way?

2009-08-09T11:11:00.000-07:00

I sit in the quiet of the Sunday morning. I had woken up early. My dreams had been full of worry and impending doom. My eyes are glistening from the tears that could not fall. I am not sure what is wrong. I know the battle is within me. It really has nothing to do with my husband, my job or lack of one, or my children. It is the big scary D. It is the label that no one wants. It is the

Worried Hearts

2009-07-23T10:02:00.000-07:00

God’s ways have never been my ways. I search and try to find his ways but my impatience gets in the way. I hurry when I should go slowly and dawdle when I should be moving. The contrariness of my nature concerns me and I wonder if my heart is pure.I want to reach out to others and give them more than I have but what I have is only a smile and a word. I want to be strong but inside I quiver

Independence Day

2009-07-07T21:36:00.001-07:00

Our nation recently celebrated Independence Day. On that day I celebrate by watching the movie, Independence Day, and remembering my Grandma Daisy. Grandma was born on July 4th many years ago. She worked hard and set herself to complete her tasks. She was independent and could do whatever was needed to get a job done. She could work with tools, sew a complete outfit from whatever material

Brick by Brick

2009-06-29T15:36:00.000-07:00

I had two of my kids over with friends and spouse this last weekend. It always amazes me how different my children have become as adults. Their tastes and their dislikes are almost like mirror images. I guess it bears out in any family. The differences in my brothers and their wives, my cousins and their spouses and children are so widespread. We all have some things in common, such as

Passion

2009-06-18T20:47:00.001-07:00

Graduation day. For one of my girls it was a few weeks ago. For the other girl it was today. Both of the girls in my tiny small group have graduated and I am officially no longer their high school small group leader. My four-year commitment to these girls has ended. I saw many changes in their lives and in them as well as myself during the last four years. It will be a period of time that I

Sideswiped – Hit and Run

2009-06-09T21:12:00.001-07:00

A few weeks ago while driving to work a car sideswiped me. Then he kept going. Basically I was going with the flow of traffic in the fast lane and he decided to pass someone slow in the car pool lane by swerving out and around. He managed to contact enough with my big old van that I have streaks of white all down the driver’s side. I wasn’t hurt. I didn’t move that much in my lane so I didn’

Contentment

2009-06-02T21:49:00.000-07:00

I’ve spent quite a few months complaining about my job and where I am in life. I have felt like a failure and I have wished only to escape. I wanted another job where I can excel like I have at every other job I’ve had. However. The economy being what it is, there really are not that many jobs out there.Lately I have been bombarded with some thoughts that revolve around contentment.

Listen

2009-05-26T20:28:00.000-07:00

It takes effort to listen. When my children come home now, it is important for me to listen. They won’t be around later for me to ask them - uh, what did you say? First I have to stop and look at them. I have to stop myself. I have to make sure I do not glance but I look at them. Many will be the times later in life when I will long to look at them when they talk. But they may not be here

Be Silent

2009-05-19T20:13:00.000-07:00

I am not supposed to force myself to be silent before God. I am to listen for his voice. Zephaniah tells us that He sings with joy when I turn to him, when I say, Daddy help me, or when I say daddy what do I do? Daddy, what are you doing? Can I help? Daddy, I'm lonely. Will you hug me?He sings with rejoicing and love. When I hear his songs to me it calms my soul and brings me peace. He

One Way Or The Other

2009-05-13T19:29:00.001-07:00

This week I had an appointment with a renowned glaucoma expert. It was going to be over two hours. I was having my eyes dilated and needed someone to drive me. It turned into this big deal, since I couldn’t see that well. I had to take the day off of work.We left early and got there in time. The ladies at the front were very nice and patient. I imagine because of the demographic of the

Mother's Day - early

2009-05-10T10:43:00.000-07:00

I had my mother’s day yesterday. I spent the day with my family. It was wonderful. Early in the morning, well, for us, we went to see the new Star Trek movie. I felt a bit out of place in a theatre full of 30 and 40 and 50 something males but my son and my husband knew how much I like Star Trek and basically all things sci-fi. I especially enjoy it with the promise of everything or almost

Ask

2009-05-05T21:39:00.000-07:00

Ask, I’m told. So I will ask. Seek, I’m told. So I will seek. Knock, yes, I’m told. So I will knock. What am I asking? God, I’m hurting. I’m depressed. I feel weighed down. When will I get a break? When will this end? When will things calm down? God, send your angels to protect me and mine. Surround us with your love and safety. Bring peace to us here on this earth. Heal us with your

Dear Lord

2009-04-22T20:45:00.000-07:00

I know you love me and you have plans for me. I know you protect me and take care of me. But it seems as though my life is filled with disapproval and disappointments. I want to believe that you are there moving behind the scenes in my life. I want to believe that you are giving me what I need and building my character. But God, I’m tired of fighting. And I’m getting tired of doing and

Precious and Few

2009-04-14T20:29:00.000-07:00

I first noticed the effect my children have on me at the doctor’s office. I was in there for a stress test and my blood pressure was really high. The nurse and I had to wait 5 minutes before taking it again so we talked. She asked about my children and asked what was my favorite time. I told her it was when we were home schooling. We would start our day with breakfast and scripture

Who Is She?

2009-04-07T20:31:00.000-07:00

She walks in with a tight smile on her face. Her hair is flipping behind her in her hurry. I can tell it hurts to smile but she longs for some fun. She wants to feel happy again even for a moment.The shadows in her yes haunt me. I wonder what or who has hurt her this time. What thoughtless actions or spoken words have made her feel less this time? Was it one of her parents or a sibling?

You Fill My Empty Spaces

2009-03-31T21:15:00.000-07:00

In my heart is a dark dim place of emptiness. How did I get here? I feel so drained of everything. I am drained of God’s love and concern for others.I am even drained of concern for myself. I move as through murky, muddy, flooded streets with debris blocking my way.I can no longer find my way. I am lost in this wilderness.I have no interest in my work or my family and friends. I am

You are My Hiding Place!

2009-03-24T20:53:00.001-07:00

Standing on the shore with the water lapping at my feet I can see waves and only water all the way to the horizon. There is nothing but peaceful sea green waves pulsating under a blue sky filled with fluffy white clouds. When I turn around the soft sand leads to soft lush green grass waving in the gentle breeze. The beautiful flowers fill the air with their fragrance and I can breathe deep

Connected/Disconnected

2009-03-17T20:35:00.001-07:00

I am having a bout with vertigo. This is where I wake up in the morning and move to get up but I can’t find up. I can’t stay up. I can’t sit up. For me, there is no up. There is only around and around. I spent an entire day in bed beleaguered by all the little movements I make that I don’t think about. As the weekend progressed I realized I couldn’t drive so how was I supposed to get to work

Fear

2009-03-10T20:35:00.000-07:00

Fear is a mighty force to deal with. It is strong, scary, overwhelming and even physical. It hits down in the middle of me, a place I can’t grab or hold together with my hands. It comes over in waves and I become still, in shock, waiting for it to subside but it doesn’t. Fear causes my heart to race and blood pressure to rise. I get exhausted easily, like I’ve run 20 miles before breakfast.

Freedom to See

2009-03-03T20:47:00.000-08:00

There is one thing I know. I have been blessed in this life. I have a job. So does my husband. My children are healthy. My parent’s are still alive. I have the support of my family, my small group and my husband. I have the freedom to go to church where and when I want. I can travel to see my parents without any papers other than my driver’s license. I have so much to be grateful for.

Failing?

2009-02-15T15:13:00.001-08:00

Recently I came face to face with a terrible truth. I am not doing well at my job. In all the other jobs in my life, I have never failed at doing the tasks given to me. My co-workers and my bosses have always spoken well of me and my performance. But in this job, I am failing. My work is below acceptable standards.In the current economic times, it is hard to deal with the thought of losing a

I need to remember…

2009-02-03T22:03:00.000-08:00

Every now and then I need to remember who God is. I need to go back to the beginning to remember that He loves me and will take care of me. I go back a few years and think of when He was there for me. Several years ago I started noticing songs. More, by Matthew West, spoke to me of how God loves me more than all the stars. Bless the name of the Lord, by Tree63, spoke to me of how I need to

Special Special

2009-01-27T17:44:00.000-08:00

When I was a small girl, my grandpa used to pull me on his lap. He would call me his special special. All of his grandchildren were special, but I was his special special. I think he told all his grandchildren that but at the time it made me feel good.To God we are all special specials. He loves each of us equally and he loves the variety of the individuals he has made. I am reminded of God’

In the Storms of Life

2009-01-11T20:28:00.000-08:00

The storms swirl around me as I walk through the day. The winds swirl around me ruffling my hair. I feel that wind. I feel the storm and its power. The wind whistles. The sky is dark and heavy with violent rain and hail. The lightning shines around. The thunder booms in my ears. Yet it does not drown out your voice in my heart. But I know you are here with me. You are mine to see and to

Pray Hard, Stand Strong

2009-01-10T13:01:00.000-08:00

I recently finished a Christian novel. The author has a note at the end of the book that I enjoyed. What she said echoed in my heart. I want to be someone who trusts God and overcomes. To be strong I need to learn to trust God, believing He is and that He is able. I also need to trust myself, the decisions I make and my ability to handle difficult times or situations. This reminds me of the

Be the Strength of My Life

2009-01-06T22:27:00.000-08:00

Every year I pick a theme. At different times I have had theme songs or theme bible verses. For my overall “where I am going this year” I like to have a yearly theme. In thinking about the New Year and my theme for this year, I had some difficulty getting the ideas to come together. After a while, I finally figured out that it would just take time. And since that time will be spent searching

Peace and Quiet

2008-12-28T17:00:00.000-08:00

I have always needed a certain amount of peace and quiet to be able to think and sort out my life. Being the youngest, a girl, with three older brothers, usually meant that everywhere in the house was noisy, busy and at times hostile to the female mindset.One of my favorite haunts as a teenager was the cemetery down the street. Although some might consider that odd it had several good points.

Guard Your Heart, Diligent Warrior

2008-12-23T21:43:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays. I enjoyed my week off with my family last week. I was able to spend some time with each of my children and my husband. It was a precious time. Below are some thoughts I gleaned from my youngest as she finds her way into God’s way.Be Diligent2 Timothy 2: 14-17 Repeat these basic essentials over and over to God's people. Warn them before God against pious

Safe in the Lord

2008-12-09T22:44:00.000-08:00

My daughter and her husband are moving out tomorrow to their first apartment. This will be their first home together. They are excited and terrified and happy and sad. And I am happy for them, and sad that their extra things will be gone from her room. It will be less her room now and I am that much closer to an empty nest. (I’m sure his mom feels the same way, since they have been living in

Every Life is a Painting

2008-12-02T21:17:00.000-08:00

At the art museum with my husband I saw many different types of art. There were sculptures and paintings. There were other things I’m not sure what they were called. Of the paintings, I liked the ones that had the most intricate backgrounds. Some of the paintings were very large. When I walked up close to them I could see the individual pieces. I could see the clouds floating in the sky. I

I am thankful

2008-11-25T20:15:00.000-08:00

Many times my grandmother would wake me up with the sounds of her piano. She played me her morning scripture song. The song is based on Psalm 92. I woke to rousing piano sounds reminding me that it is a good thing to give thanks to God. And to sing praises to his name.So, for this thanksgiving season, I am thankful. I give thanks to God for my many blessings.I thank God for my family. I

Gloom, Doom and Despair

2008-11-18T20:52:00.000-08:00

Life has been pretty tough all over lately. Fires swooped in to destroy people’s homes. Smoke makes it hard for people to breathe. The economy is bad and people are losing their homes, their jobs and their retirement funds. Some people are sick, some people are exhausted and some people are so busy they don’t remember why they started.So, as we study Philippians, the book of Joy, and approach

Dead End?

2008-11-11T20:34:00.000-08:00

I have considered recently, wondered, if I am in a dead end job. Then I read the definition of a dead end job. It is defined as “a terminal position with no prospects of promotion, pay raise or increased responsibility.” This article also included a definition of burnout. (Usually what causes you to think you are in a dead end job!) Burnout is where the employee “suddenly becomes disillusioned

Cloudy Days

2008-11-04T19:57:00.000-08:00

Here in California we have had many days of clear blue skies. Clear blue skies are very nice and very peaceful. We have clear blue skies most days of the year. Often clear blue skies are like the days of our lives when things are going great. We have enough to eat and enough to wear. Our lives run along in easy pathways.Then we have clouds and rain. Troubles come again and again. We have

Challenges

2008-10-28T21:47:00.000-07:00

My week has been challenging. I went through more procrastination, more exhaustion, more worries and concerns, and more thinking. Then I buckled down and spent over 8 hours on homework this last weekend and caught up in both of my classes. Yay! I felt a little lighter, but I am still working on the challenges that are looming ahead.In my bible reading I am finishing Galatians. I felt that

Trusting

2008-10-21T20:26:00.000-07:00

Trusting can be difficult. Trusting from the bottom of your heart, a little harder. But trusting God is the only thing to do, or should I say, the only thing left to do. So many times, so many days, I stray from God and listening to what he wants me to do. And then, when I’m backed into a corner, or lost, or in trouble of some kind, I remember to listen. I’ve been scared to the point of

The Night Before

2008-10-07T19:54:00.000-07:00

In Exodus 32 Moses and Joshua are gone on the mountain for 40 days and 40 nights. The night before they come down, the people give up on them ever coming back. They then turned away from God.Sometimes we feel like that. We are in the deep dark night before. God is ready to answer our prayers and help us out, change us and redeem us. We just need to turn to him, yet again, in this dark night,